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Kate posted on 10/17/2012 06:34 AM
What happened to Amanda was a horrific crime, I understand that bullies continue to attack her.
Unfortunately, too many people, including some schools, pay lip service to the bullying issue. This time next year, I am afraid that things will be right back the way it was but many people will have had their 3 seconds of fame tagging on to Amanda's tragic death. My child was bullied, even the odd teacher took part at times, throughout her school life. Despite my taking an active role to try and solve the problem nothing was done until I involved the police. For the remaining year at that school, nobody bullied her.
And for those of you that think this is a thing of this generation, I can tell you that kids were perfectly capable of bullying and blackmail in the 70's. Except the victim was blamed and no one complained or intervened. The only thing that saved us was that pictures of the events did not go global and the fights were one on one. Until we can engage the bystanders to become actively involved in shuitting down bullies this will not stop.
If anyone comes up with a solid idea that will impact bullying I will be one of the first to donate.
My condolences to the familes of ALL the children that have died at the hands of bullies.
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Richard G posted on 10/17/2012 07:27 AM
"But, Bob, I did my part to support those being bullied; I pressed 'Like' on facebook sites of those being bullied. What more could I do?" How about actually befriending and standing up to defend the Amanda Todds? When we see teasing on a bus or LRT or in public it is too easy to pass it off as normal teen interaction. But if it focuses on one person (as opposed to good natured give and take) it is appropriate to step in and say something. "Liking" on facebook is like catching a victim's eye, smiling encouragingly and giving a thumbs up, while watching a beating in progress. If adults model interventionist behaviour (an adult stranger may not be able to rescue the Amandas, but can let her and the bullies know someone is watching) our children, Amanda's peers, will likely follow, and they can actually rescue her. Our culture needs a sea change back to a love of neighbour and the Golden Rule. (Ever since government took over the "compassion" industry society's reaction is increasingly becoming an "I gave at the (tax) office" mentality, but that is a different, though related, comment for a different day.)
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Anon posted on 10/17/2012 08:26 AM This comment was edited by a moderator at 09:22 AM on 10/17/2012
I don't think this is completely the schools fault. For every parent that complains about their kids being bullied there is a parent that complains about the school accusing their kids of being bullies. Why blame the schools for this? Where were the parents? Why didn't the parents realize that something was wrong? Schools don't raise childrens. Parents do.

Bob replies: What do you suggest when the parent complains and the school does nothing - arm the child?
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1. Anon posted on 10/17/2012 12:08 PM This comment was edited by a moderator at 12:22 PM on 10/17/2012
  @Anon As a parent if I thoroughly confirmed that my child is being bullied and I've informed the school but have no response, I would phone the police and report the case. I will find out who the bully's parent is and speak with them. If the parents don't deal with their child and the problem continues I will spend more time with my child to investigate the issue further to try to attain some kind of evidence. I will educate my child in terms of social network usage and safe practices at school. Eg. Stay in common areas that are supervised by teachers, don't go anywhere alone, scream help if needed, etc... If problem still continues and at this point I still don't have any solid proof to provide to the school or police, then it's time to switch schools.
  
  Bob replies: Or, switch the bully. Check tomorrow's editorial.
  
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Bob $ posted on 10/17/2012 08:27 AM
I was bullied and made fun of from the time I entered the school system right through to high school. It wasn't cause I looked funny or anything,...I was still my handsome self. It was religious persecution. I survived grade school, but when it got to high school,..it got physical until one day I was confronted by a group of bullies of about 10 while walking down a set of stairs. Now, at this time, I was 18 with a football player build....but not a fighter.
At the last step, I stopped, realizing that this was it...it's now or never! I stopped, dropped my books on the step behind me and then looked each guy in the eye. I said:"Ok,...you guys may think you have some point to make and are going to fight me to make me an example of how tough you are. Just know, I will be fighting for my life,....now, whose first?" I stood there for a minute, still looking at each guy in the face...clenching my fist, waiting for the first one to make a move. Nothing! PUNKS!!!
I bent down and picked up my books, stepped down and walked right through the middle of them. Never heard from any of them again,..until about 5 years later. One of them had become an RCMP officer and meeting me at a wedding that I was performing at apologized for how he treated me with his "gang!" This worked out for me....but today they have guns and knives in schools,....IN SCHOOLS!
Maybe somebody should "let the dogs out" and do some tours of these schools during class.....I am sure the results will reveal very interesting artifacts and drug paraphernalia!!!
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Clay Beck posted on 10/17/2012 08:33 AM This comment was edited by a moderator at 09:20 AM on 10/17/2012
Congrats! Found the solution, those darn schools again.

Bob replies: What do you suggest?
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1. Clay Beck posted on 10/17/2012 03:32 PM
  @Clay Beck As a parent, get involved in my childs life and actively find out what exactly is happening. Meet with the "bullies" parents, use the agencies that are out there to help.less
  
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The Infidel - Mr. John posted on 10/17/2012 08:47 AM
We had a class bully in our class (late 60's) who used to take "cheap shots" on this one kid all the time. Shots to the back of the head, in the back, punching and pushing this one kid all the time. Nobody intervened...including me. We were scared of him, he was a pretty tough guy!
One day he went overboard and decked this guy, when the teacher left the room, to the point he knocked the guy out and he collapsed under a desk. The teacher came back and asked everybody what happened, nobody would talk.
The principal (high school) came to this room and asked...nobody talked. He left, but stopped in the doorway and looked at me and waved me over, out of the room. He knew I wouldn't lie to him and asked me who, just nod if this is the guy's name? I nodded.
We had a guy, Big Jim, wrestler, body builder, and football player, who had some big buddies, from his team in our school too. The principal liked Jim and they were friends.
One day, Big Jim and his friends met the tough guy in the hallway between classes, pinned him up against the wall and lifted him up by the neck with one arm, so his feet were dangling off the floor, and told him if he ever touched another person they would be meeting him after school behind the hill (big hill near the school). Jim let him down, he didn't get any of the guys urine on him, but the custodian did have to clear it up.
The bully never touched another kid in school. George (our principal) was a real cool guy. We found out later, he was the one that arranged for Big Jim and his friends for the tune-up of the bully. George was such a cooool principal!
I heard the bully was years later beat up by his wife. Go figure!. I guess some people never learn!
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1. DaveN_1490 posted on 10/17/2012 07:53 PM This comment was edited by a moderator at 10:30 AM on 10/18/2012
  @The Infidel - Mr. John We also had a class bully in High School in the late 70's....Unfortunatly , every one seems to have a similar story....This guy, was even particularly weaker than most....He had to have his henchmen hold you down, then whip you with a belt...He also dropped his pants in Phys Ed class, and also with the help of his henchmen, they would hold a person down, and this jerk would sit on your face....He called it a "Brown Eye"...He tried the belt whipping once with me...The next day, I took closet rod for hanging clothes, met up with him....And we went to war....Much to my surprise, he did not fair out so well....As I thought his henchmen would be around...They never showed up, and he got the beating that he so deserved....This loser never bothered me again.....From that experience, as far as Bullies go....It is better to give, than to receive....
  
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David W. Lincoln posted on 10/17/2012 09:58 AM This comment was edited by a moderator at 10:47 AM on 10/17/2012
Question, how slippery is the definition of "bullying"? When anything that does not depend on time or place is introduced as being true, does that constitute bullying?

Bob replies: You'll have to explain that.
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1. Bob $ posted on 10/17/2012 06:33 PM
  @David W. Lincoln Yeah, Lucy,...You got some splainin' to do!
  
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2. Bob $ posted on 10/17/2012 06:34 PM
  @David W. Lincoln Sorry Bob,.. Sorry David,...I think I just "bullied" David. I apologize.
  
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Vicki posted on 10/17/2012 11:30 AM
Bob, your editorials of the past two days have had me thinking. What struck me was the idea that de criminalizing drugs would reduce costs, increase revenues (through taxes) and allow police more time for more dangerous criminals. But where would we draw the line? To make my point "perhaps we should eliminate all laws, that way we would save even more by having NO police, NO courts and NO jails". That leads to the question of why do we have laws to begin with? Isn't it to make our society safer and fairer for all of us? Or is it to generate funds? Is our society safer with or without drug laws? Anyone who has parented a teenager knows that all the education and information in the world doesn't make a difference when they are confronted with a culture of drugs, sex and alcohol outside their own home in their own community. And now, thanks to the internet, possible right inside their own home. Society as a whole needs to send a clear, consistent message to our young people. It should not be "the parents OR the school" but, rather, everyone sending the same message with consistent consequences.
In 1992 Boyd Gibbons wrote in National Geographic "If most who drink alcohol enjoy its considerable pleasures with few difficulties, many others cross the line --and thos who do will deny it furiously. That is the paradox of alcohol." When I hear people defending the use of mind altering substances as harmless, I think if of this quote.
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Bill posted on 10/17/2012 02:10 PM
Lets see if I have this right. It's the fault of the schools for allowing the bullies free reign and they should be doing something. Sure they should be doing something the only problem is that they have a million other things to do at the same time and the only thanks they get is a cut in staff or cuts to programs. I think the staff are over worked now and don't need more things heaped on their plates.
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D. posted on 10/17/2012 02:29 PM
I believe bullying has gone far beyond the school grounds. And even at that point, parents were brought in to the principals office.

This is a PARENTAL issue! If you want to stop bullying do your part and be engaged. Watch what and to whom your child posts and texts to. We can't blame our schools for everything going wrong with OUR children!
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Speakingout_9410 posted on 10/17/2012 05:52 PM
I have followed the Amanda Todd story and I can sympathize with it. Sometimes it feels just like that and as another reader said at the age of 46, sometimes it just will never stop.
This bullying also happens in the workplace to people too. Speaking from the encounters that too many people think or believe that they can do whatever they like when they like.
Do you think there should be a real Whistle Blowers line for anyone that encounters this, so that it can be said and outed?
Human Resource people and even Managers don't do anything.
This comes from a real live person that see's it and has stood up for what is right and got black listed for it.
Everyone wants a world free from Depression, Anxiety and Mental Anguish. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends too, but at what cost?
It can be lonely sitting in a house staring out at the world, thinking am I ready to go again, can I or We do it again.
I really do think that unless you have been there and experienced, can you really talk about knowing what it is like.
Is all this just going to be another show? We will see in a few months!!!!
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Garry Chubb posted on 10/17/2012 06:31 PM
We rode the school bus from our semi-rural community into the city to attend our high school. One day we picked up John, a young man with mental challenges who had these weird quirks. He had a voice that was not young or grown up, sort of stuck in the middle, voice change that never took and he used to sit there sort of rolling his head in a kind of swirling motion from side to side. He was 22 years old but with the body of a 10 years old with whiskers.
The kids on the bus immediately started giggling and laughing and the boys in the back of the bus were just roaring. This lasted for about 2 days, everytime Joe our bus driver, a small elderly farmer picked up Johnny the kids would roar and there would be giggles to no end. It was terrible!
Day three,...during the afternoon pick-up, Joe picked up Johnny at his stop. The same thing, giggles and laughter when Johnny got on the bus. We went about 3 blocks and then Joe slammed the brakes on full bore!!! We almost all just about slid off our seats. Dead quiet!
Joe walked down the aisle and didn't say a word. He looked at each kid and in particular each and every kid that would laugh and giggle at Johnny. Johnny didn't know what was going on. I told him the brakes got stuck. Joe, got to the back of the bus, stayed there for about a minute, stared at the punks at the back of the bus, each of them, one at a time,...didn't say a word, then turned around (you could now see the tears in his eyes) and went back to the driver's seat and fired up the bus and took us all home. I'm sure he had words for the bullies when he got them to their stop.
Johnny sat beside me, every day after that for the next two years. He became a good friend and eventually he became our bus team captain. Even bought him a captain's cap. He loved it. Everybody loved him, by the time he finished school, Johnny had 40 new friends. When his Mom died towards the end of the 2nd school year, everybody consoled Johnny and got him through it. What a character! Wonder what happened to Johnny?
Thank you Joe!
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Sun posted on 10/17/2012 06:59 PM
I think what happened to Amanda was awful. I, too, had been bullied and bullied in my adult years too!

It leaves a huge emotional scar and I strongly believe that bullying is A learned behavior.

Children learn everything from the adults. If they see and hear us, the adults bullying, being bias, racial slurs etc, children pick up on that and take it to school. Bullying doesn't start or end in school. It carries on into adulthood and recycled to the next generation.

First educate the adults and if that doesn't work, call the police, have them come to the school and humiliate the bullies in front of their peers, or have the police make the parents accountable for their children's behavior by giving them a fine or a charge. Someone needs to be an example of what not to do.
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Wendy Munro posted on 10/17/2012 07:34 PM
We need to take control of this because there are many Amanda's out there. We cant afford to lose these children, our future leaders. I think as parents we need to be more involved in our children's lives and know what's going on at school. We need to work together with schools and bullies parents to stop this bullying. Bullies need to be addressed and disciplined. If that doesn't stop it, bring in the police and charge the bullies parents if they aren't helping. Develop a scared straight program for bullies. We can't just let it go because we owe it to Amanda and the rest of the kids being targeted. I've seen it starting at kindergarten age and that's sickening. The fact that narrow minded monsters are still attacking this poor girl even after her death is crazy. Why can't we respect each other and be human! RIP Amanda
Thank you Bob for having this blog.
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DaveN_1490 posted on 10/17/2012 08:27 PM
Unfortunatly, Bullying has been around for decades...We all know that....The present generation tries to stop it, educating people on how to stop it, reporting it, confronting these low lifes, etc....When we think we have made some headway, there is a new generation coming up....And the Bullying cycle and how to address it starts all over again....I truly think, that it is time for conscription...Anyone at the age of 18, should spend 2 years in Boot camp....Maybe then, they will realize what it means to respect one another...As for the Amanda Todd family....My heart goes out to you all....Please remember the great times you all had together.....The laughter, success, and joy of being a family...May GOD BLESS you all...
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robinb_7462 posted on 10/17/2012 08:58 PM This comment was edited by a moderator at 10:29 AM on 10/18/2012
I remember bullying in my school as well. While I was not bullied, I was never one to tolerate it in others. I ALWAYS stood up for anyone who was getting bullied, and stood beside them and spoke up, or fought , whatever had to be done.

That being said my children for some reason were the victims of severe bullying. My youngest daughter started getting bullied when she moved into Jr. High. There were two girls who followed her around the school OINKING in her ear all through the lunch break. My daughter confided in me, yet it was delicate in how to handle this. On one hand I knew the school had to be informed , yet my daughter was confident she would have to deal with it as she didn't want to be labeled a snitch. I let it go for a couple of weeks. One day she phoned me crying that she just couldn't take it anymore and what should she do??? I said she should go to the principle of the school. She did. The girls were called down and talked to. Admitting what they did. But one of them had actually,at one time let her lips touch my daughters ear while doing this, and my daughter had pushed her away from her. To which my daughter admitted. This was seen as physical assault , to which the school took zero tolerance. My daughter had gone through three full weeks of verbal assault, abuse and physical abuse and she retaliated once. They gave them all two weeks in school suspension at lunch hour. To top it off they had to be in the same unsupervised lunch room to serve their sentence. That is how the school dealt with bullying. I did not allow my daughter to serve her suspension needless to say and moved her schools. Now I get to the nitty gritty, we moved schools , only to have another bully start in on her. I just could not put this down to a coincidence and decided to take her to see counselor I was very impressed with this mans approach. He asked her very pointed questions about how the bully , bullied her. Odd I thought. But then it became apparent to both of us where this was going. By what my daughter told him about how this boy teased her , he knew a phenominal amount of information about the bully, that was correct!!! for instance , he guessed that this was a foster kid, and that his mother was the issue, and he knew that his mom was in and out of his life constantly. Then he proceeded to explain how the victim , bully relationship goes. He explained that like a wolf knows what a rabbit is so a bully knows who will be a victim. He asked her how she reacted when they say anything to her that is hurtful, like does she retaliate or shut down and get quiet. My daughter is usually quiet. He explained that , that is exactly how the bully knows that she will take it. Either way is a victims response. My daughter understood what he was saying. And he then explained that she needed to use bold body language, stand up tall , she deserves to be at that school every bit as much as anyone else there and she is just as good , worthy, important to the functioning of the school. SO then something similar to magic happened that very school year and within a week. She did just as the counselor had told her to do. Laugh off any comments and be freindly and bold in her stance. By the end of that school year my daughter was actually popular, and as an obese teenager!!!! By the end of Junior High she was at the dance and was at the center of all the girls for pictures. She was kind to all and was not even ever mean to this boy who was a sad, lost individual. She "GOT" it and I am forever thankful to this counselor for his kind words of wisdom and kindness. So as I see it , it may not be the victims fault and isn't , but there is ways to handle this. EDUCTION FOR THE KIDS..... GET PROFFESIONAL HELP... Kids need to be told more that , "oh just ignore him" or
" Its him that has the problem , not you" while quite true this just isn't detailed enough information.
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GFF posted on 10/17/2012 09:22 PM
About 10 years ago, in an elementary school, a friends daughter was being bullied. After speaking with the teacher and principal, the bullying did not stop. The parents went to speak with the mother of the bully. The mother shrugged it off, told my friend that her daughter was lying. More of the bully's friends joined in. My friend removed her daughter from that school. It is definitely time the web police got involved.
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KimberlyC_7514 posted on 10/17/2012 11:41 PM This comment was edited by a moderator at 10:26 AM on 10/18/2012
My daughter was bullied in grade 1. The school had a "No bully" policy in place.

Our daughter was bullied for nearly 2 months before we found out. She would say prayers asking God to stop them from calling her names and threatening her, and she no longer wanted to go to school anymore. Once we found out we set up a meeting with the teacher and principal of the school, and they informed us that they knew it was going on but not to worry because the girl and her group of friends had moved on to another child! She also said they were trying to work with the parents of the girl who was the ring leader of the group. How about informing the parent of the child who is being bullied I asked. Did you ever think that would have been important?

These children not only called my daughter names and teased her but they also threatened to hang my daughter from a tree in the school playground! My daughter was 6 years old, and so were her bullies. My daughters only crime..was being the new girl in the school. That's it!

How did the school handle the situation, VERY POORLY! They wanted to punish our daughter by giving up on her in November and informing us that she should repeat grade 1 again. There was still 7 months left of school! As for the girl who bullied her and her friends, nothing happened to them.

The bullying that occurred in that two months put our daughter behind an entire year in school, she had a low self-esteem, and became depressed. She is now 15 years old and still struggles in school all because of that one year in grade 1.

It's not just teenagers who bully, it's people of all ages who bully. It needs to STOP! These bullies need to be held accountable for their actions as well as the schools who allow it to happen or continue to allow those children to attend so they can torment students. There needs to be a law created so these children know how serious it is- where they are charged for assault, or verbal abuse etc. , and these same bullies who are recognized as such in schools, should be forced to see a psychologist - especially the very young because they can not be charged with anything, to find out why they are bullying. it's great the school's have the 1 day out of the year where kids wear pink, However, the bullies don't take it seriously, and their victims no it.
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Susan posted on 10/19/2012 10:15 AM
Although I was not effected by bullies as a child, until recently, I was bullied in the work place. I knew of the bullies reputation, however, I never thought the bully would be successful in her campaign against me. Even though a person may have excellent working habits, these bullies, are somehow able to pursue their campaign against others. Finally after a few years, I persevered and the bully is no longer in my work environment.

Having said this, during my working years,I have also witnessed other bullying situations, where bosses verbally attack their subordinates in public places. Although in the past they may have gotten away with this behaviour, it does not appear to be taking place any longer. I am not sure if it is because this behaviour is no longer tolerated, or if the bully bosses are using different tactics.

Albeit, bully bosses appear to be gone, colleague against colleague still appears to be tolerated. Is this because as adults, society believes that you should be able to take care of yourself? I don't know the answer, but I do know is that bullies do not grow out of this behaviour, they simply get older!
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